as if saggy boobs, a flabby midsection, and hormones that might make a man straight up murder someone weren’t enough, we’ve got to deal with paranoia as well. are you with me on this one? my mind is playing some serious ass tricks on me. apparently crazy thoughts running through your head are perfectly normal.
it’s true. i read it in real simple.
yes, they are called brain synapses, and they are “firing away at random, and every now and then a ‘crazy’ thought jumps out.”
so it’s totally cool that i freak out every time i’m on the highway because i’m 99.9% sure that i left harper in the car seat on top of our car (where i’ve never actually put her) and she has long since flown off and landed in the potomac river.
that’s cool, right?
and it’s cool that when i take a shower i am absolutely positive that as soon as the water comes on i can hear my girls crying, screaming at the top of their lungs. every. single. time.
and it’s just fine that i go to work in a dress that shows off how much weight i’ve lost and imagine getting a compliment from someone only to answer “spanx a lot,” inadvertently letting slip the actual reason for my supposed “thin appearance.”
along those same lines every time i leave the house i look down because i’m so very sure that i’ve walked out sans pants. why does this have to be so disturbing?
i worry that i’ll take off driving without fully buckling harper into the car seat. probably because i’ve done that with amelie. yes, it's true.
i worry that in a hurry i’ll forget to add a “y” to the end of my name when signing off on an e-mail and someone will think that I think i’m the son of God. i'm telling you, people. it's bad.
is this just nature’s way of keeping me on my toes?
‘cause if not, i’m afraid that this might be my fate:
7 comments:
Love your blog! I came over after I read your post at The Women's Colony.
You crack me up!
(((CHRISt))) big crazy-family hug...
I'm not glad to hear that you're going through this, but I'm glad someone else can relate! I just confided in my friend a few weeks ago that I thought I might be going crazy. Beyond the typical new mom paranoia, I was having terrible images of dropping my baby and splattering her head on the ground, or falling and crushing her - tons of panicky thoughts like that all day and night. But the most disturbing part to me is that every single time (no lie), that I sit down to nurse her, I have a huge wave come over me like something bad is going to happen - not right then but just in general. Just like the feeling you get when you have something on your mind and you're trying to forget it, or something bad happened and you're running away from it - just a haunting feeling. After several weeks of thinking I was nuts, I also confided in Erik, and to my total and complete surprise, he said he was having it, too! He said that every time he got in the car without us, that he felt a wave come over him like something bad was going to happen. And again, not specifically right then or specifically to us or to him, but just a "bad feeling". My friend said it's anxiety. Simple enough, right? But WHY? The insomnia I'm having when my baby FINALLY sleeps in between feedings is not helping either. But I've started taking magnesium which is supposed to really help. Lord...like it's not all hard enough that we have to literally go fucking crazy, too.
Hilarious! I feel for you and these things are actually keeping you sane and making you a good parent!
All of that is cool.
As long as it's cool that I spent about 3 minutes going, "Her name is Jesusy?", before I had to scroll up to find your actual name, because I couldn't figure it out.
Jesusy? too funny! lol
You need more sleep! And maybe a few minutes to yourself...
If my baby wasn't in my sight, I would always imagine a plastic bag on the poor thing's head. Talk about anxious...
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