we were in cape may for the weekend, a columbus day weekend tradition. i have the added pleasure of it being my birthday weekend each year. tom and the girls made beautiful homemade cards for me, we relaxed in the beautiful weather with family, and on sunday tom treated me to a massage for my birthday. time away like this allows us to breathe, to think, to make decisions about how to make life better. i am thankful for this bit of time, even though it is mixed with melancholy.
sadly, every time we go away there is bad news waiting for us back home, some crisis at the restaurant that we just have to know about immediately. because waiting one day just can't happen i guess.
but since my last crazy post, many of my friends have lent me comfort, many have stepped forward and have taken care of me in different ways. for that i am very thankful. tonight i will visit with my girlfriends. i will relax in their company, listen and be listened to. i will try to contribute what i can to our friendships in this gift of an evening together. and for that i am truly thankful.
i am hoping that things will change for me this 35th year of my life, because i am hell bent on changing them, not because i hope i'll get lucky. i hope to lose weight, to eat even healthier, to continue to show our kids how to eat well. i hope to form deeper friendships with the women in my life, some of whom have been my friends for a long time, some of whom i am just beginning to know. i hope to strengthen my foul-weather faith. i hope to show an open and whole love to my husband and kids who continue to suffer at the hands of my unhappiness. and i hope for good health.
this last one is particularly fresh in my mind after learning from my sister brooke about a dear friend of hers whom i have met once or twice. a young, beautiful, abundantly faithful woman, wife, and mother who has suddenly been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. brooke shared this woman's recent blog post entitled, "i have cancer. and God is good." with me in cape may. i am still spinning. the grace with which she writes makes her a gift to those who witness it. any words i use to describe the feeling of reading this post seem ridiculous. so just read it.
i have much to learn from this woman. but for now i know that my health is important. that life is short. often much shorter than we realize. that we have to ask for change and maybe even scream for change just so that we are heard. so things get better. and get better soon.
2 comments:
I just read your post from a couple of posts back. And then this one. Thank goodness you had a chance to breathe this past weekend. This last post was a perfect way to welcome in your birthday. Hearing about another woman's sickness will certainly bring much needed perspective.
You are only one woman. You do the work of an entire community of women. Perhaps there is something that can be dropped? Something that might be worth your happiness and sanity? Not to say that you probably don't think this every 10 minutes of your life. But maybe, just maybe.
You are truly one of the most beautiful and together women that I have ever met. Even at your worst. I hope that quiet guidance and answers start to fall down around you like new snow. But most of all, happiness, too.
c, thank you for this.
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