I Got This

bible study, it’s not my strength. God and me, we connect though.

God speaks to me through people and experiences. and shit does He speak loudly.

through the blue eyes of a 95 year old man who wants us to enjoy his labors.

through the woman who performed my marriage ceremony. twice. who told me i was my own person. who told me i was whole and worthy even though i had done unforgivable things.

through the question he asked me last sunday about what earth meant to me.

through the photo of her on a mountain holding a gun. and happy.

and God,  He speaks to me through music, again and again. and again.

and when i call her crying, in a pile of tears, selfishly trying to make sense of my childhood she listens and sees my pain and says i’m right to question that.

and in his confession that the job search has become near unbearable.

and in her comittment to personal health and her willingness to guide us there.

and the request to have me cook, to use my hands to show love and support and sustain.

from her and his exchange with me when they sing a capella on  any given sunday. it gets me every time. every single time.

through the request to mentor her, to come full circle.

and in a weeknight non-snowday conversation.

and on and on and on and on.

i am moving forward in some ways but hopelessly behind in others. but i am grounded in this view back into beauty. it is always unanticipated, unforseen, and most clearly viewed just after it has passed. like in a rearview mirror. it's small, it's passing. grab it.