to end the day

happy father’s day to my husband, father of three, soon to be four. you are what matters most to me in this world.

today is the first day of summer, father’s day, and my father’s birthday. the father i haven’t communicated with in years. maybe this will be the year we meet each other again.

i realized today that i will never stop calling my stepfather by his first name. in other words, i will never call him dad. not for lack of love, but because he is not my father. as a stepmom i now really get it. and i’m ok with it, because there is a place for us, too.

almost two years after having my first child i now remember what it feels like to have legs that feel like really tight sausages that may snap and pop and leak hot sausage juice if someone with a fork accidentally bumps into me. and a stomach that feels like a balloon filled with heavy water and a really angry little man, who is really quite over being stuck in a place that frankly, he’s too big for, and so he continues to push from the inside out, making my belly look like a highway road map full of red, white, and purple lines that may never go away. so is labor really a relief from all of this?

my doulaaaaaaaaah’ssssss...back in town! though i have to say i really enjoyed getting to know mercedes, my backup doula. she even offered to attend my birth with my doula emma at no additional cost! but i think babydaddy may feel a bit outnumbered.

in general, i feel great. a little like violet beauregard from willy wonka and the chocolate factory, but great. and tomorrow i have my acupuncture. finally, an excuse to stay still for two hours with nothing else to do.

i’ll keep you posted.