and so i did have my appointment today. turns out that i’m positive for group b strep so sweeping the membranes is not quite an option for me as there is risk of infection to the baby. instead, angel (that’s the midwife’s name, really) checked my cervix and kinda stretched things out down there. whooo doggie did that hurt! that seemed to do nothing but give me cramps for a few hours.
she told me not to get frustrated, that they would let me attempt a vbac up until 41 weeks. i suppose i should be thankful for that, right? that i haven’t passed the threshold into mandatory c-sectionville? and my weight has been great. in fact i’ve lost two pounds. which i can’t explain since two days ago i ate four krispy kreme donuts and a five guys burger. in that order. i guess i’ve been lacking the meat. and the sugar. and the decency for that matter.
-so just let nature run its course, ok? angel said.
i said nothing.
-i know it’s easy for me to say that, but you need to hear it.
and indeed i do need to hear it. that nature, that God, will take care of this baby, and that he or she will eventually come out. and it’s not going to be on my time. so i need to get my ass in gear, continue planning things as if i wasn’t having a baby so when it happens, it just happens, and at that moment, we put aside what we are doing and focus on the event. that instead of trying to stop everything from moving, scooching things aside to make room for a landing that is not happening yet. and to look at women like christina in texas, like erin, like liz, who seem so much more calm than i am, and learn something from them.
because patience and i, we are strangers.
1 comment:
I envy that you are so ready and even anxious. I may be patient but there's probably more fear wrapped up in that than anything. But I, too, am letting go and letting Nature. The mantras/affirmations I am writing down and will paste in front of my face when I'm on hands and knees all have to do with my body knowing what it's doing and not interfering with it. Like Ina says, I will "let my monkey do it". And just like finding true love, it always happens when you least expect it and right when you stop looking. Same for baby's arrival.
Had two friends (with later due dates than mine!) have their babies this past week. I know I'm next but I keep thinking of this pregnancy thing as my permanent state - can't quite wrap my head around it being over. I get so much inspiration from your posts - you handle such a large family, career and beautiful female emotion with such grace. And btw, I totally envy what you've done with your diet. Your whole Five Guys/Krispy Kreme splurge was like my whole pregnancy except for the past couple of weeks. Now that I'm cut off from sugar and bread (lovely yeast), I have no idea what to eat. It's awesome that you've been so on top of it and won't have a yeast issue. Breastfeeding with a yeast issue scares me most at this stage (I've heard absolute horror stories about bleeding nipples, etc.).
Hang in there, Baby Momma!
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